The Loner

I'm reasonably certain I've used this title before, but as my brain cells die, I'm finding my memories harder to recall. I try to use titles of songs that stick in my mind, and this is one from the late Cozy Powell, who played drums for Jeff Beck, Richie Blackmore and a slew of other rock notables. This came to me because once again, I find myself without a vehicle on a gorgeous July weekend, and without mobility, I am a lost cause. I am not charismatic, endearing, charming, or sexy. I am a blank slate. A girl I once dated called me a 'Disposable Person' and as unflattering as that term may be, she nailed it. The only time people think about me is when I'm standing in front of them. I don't get invited to parties, weddings, or any other sort of special events. I always hear about them after they've occurred. I am completely forgettable. I don't think people go out of their way to exclude me, they just don't think of me one way or the other. That isn't an ego-boosting way to feel. I generally work on my vehicle when the time and weather allow, but since it's in the shop, I didn't have that option. A guy who I went to high school with has a band that's playing at the Jones Beach Bandshell tonight, and I'd really like to go see that, but I don't have any friends that I can glom a ride off of, so I'm going to miss it. I'm not anti-social, I enjoy going out and mingling. I like hearing people's stories and jokes, I like to think I can give as well as take, but my judgement is biased. I don't have anyone to bounce any of my ideas off of. In general, the people I work with are an uneducated bunch and their tastes and mine don't coincide. I get along with them at work, but once I punch out, I'm not a part of their itinerary. Now that I'm over sixty ( shit that sounds weird to say!)hanging out in the way that I used to when I was young, is not a realistic approach to meeting and making new friends. The fact is, I'm not really sure that I had real friends. I understand that I cannot blame this lack of presence on the people I associate with, the problem undoubtedly lies somewhere between my hairline and the callouses on my feet. What I don't know is how to do something about it. I've all but given up going to concerts, one of my guilty pleasures, simply because going alone is too taxing on my withered psyche. I still find escape in movies, but even that has lost it's smile-appeal due to the fact that I'm not sharing it with anyone. Being alone all the time causes me to lose my willingness to compromise, since I'm not interacting with anyone. That is a damage that I seriously doubt I'll ever be able to repair...now I wonder if anyone will ever read this????

The Letter

Alex Chilton was sixteen when The Boxtops had a hit with "The Letter", in the late 60's. I prefer their version to Joe Cocker's cover. But that's not the point of this rant. I also could have used The Beatles' "Mr. Postman", or Starz's "Last Night I Wrote a Letter" but it's only a title for what's bugging me. The U.S. Postal system is in trouble. People are using modern media to communicate, and pay bills, so The Postal system wants to shut down on Saturdays. I can't say I blame them, they're victims of circumstance. I do like getting mail on Satrurdays, but if they're losing money, I say let them shut down and enjoy their weekends like everyone else. The problem I'm having is that it's getting harder to find mail boxes on the street, to send off my dwindling correspondence. When I do spot a drop box, it's placed somewhere that's very inconvenient to stop a car and mail my letters. They always seem to be in a bus stop, a busy intersection or someplace else where it is life-threatening to stop a vehicle, and throw whatever needs to be sent into the magic slot. As a baby-boomer, the changes I see are a bit hard to adjust to. I grew up in suburban Long Island, and every town had a Post Office, a pharmacy, a deli, a market, a stationery store, a hardware store, a clothing store, gas stations, a florist, and whatever other enterpreneurial businesses existed. They were all within walking distance. But more and more, Big Box stores have edged the little guys out of existence. When I moved back in with my dad, I had a hell of time finding a decent mechanic. Finding a mechanic isn't hard, but getting one that's competent and trustworthy is a different story. The more our world shrinks, the further apart things get. I saw a story on the news about the last store in N.Y.C dedicated the sale of sheet music was closing down. The high rent and the ease of searching on the internet have just made it economically unfeasible to stay open. the Post Office isn't quite in the same boat, because things still need to be sent, but even that may become passe, when 3D printers can make it easier to reproduce stuff than actually making and mailing it. Who knows how many jobs will become unnnecessary. I might hire somebody to hunt for mailboxes for me.