Heroes

As usual, I start off each mental fart with a song title. This one I absconded from David Bowie, nee Jones. I'm a fan of Bowie but not a fanatic, the only albums that I own, I got when I worked at WLIR, a Long Island radio station. Also as usual, I'm not putting my opinion of Bowie into words, I'm touting a Rock & Roll Hero that generally goes unmentioned. So let's get on with it...


Last night, November 4th, 2011, I went to a venue that what was once called Westbury Music Fair and saw Ray Manzarek and Robby Krieger of The Doors perform. The Theater is now the NYCB at Westbury, some corporate take-over that seems to have invaded every music and sports arena in the world. We all know what happened to lead-man/singer Jim Morrison, but the crux of the band still are alive and working. I'm not sure why drummer John Densmore wasn't with them but in any case, the show was outstanding, and they looked like they were having fun to boot. They opned the show with "Roadhouse Blues" and announced that they recall the venue from the last time they played there, April 18th 1968. Ray then announced that they'd play the same set as they did the last time, flashback!

When I worked at WLIR I produced the morning show and did lots of other production jobs along with the gig. On one event I had to edit an interview with Ray Manzarek for air on a Sunday morning, when all other stations were playing religious broadcasts. At the time Oliver Stone was getting a ton of press for his movie "Platoon", and the word was out that he was directing a Doors movie, that had yet to be released. Some of the parts of the interview I removed, since that movie was not in the theaters and I had time limitations, but it was apparent that Ray was not pleased with what Mr. Stone had done with his interpretation of The Doors. What I determined was that Ray was a vital part of The Doors and he was instrumental in the instrumentation of the bulk of The Doors songs. He was viviacious, intelligent and articulate. The movie portrayed the members as a bunch of knuckleheads who blindly followed Jim Morrison around, doing whatever he said. It was clear that was not the case.

Getting back to the Heroes theme, when people talk about guitar legends, certain names always come up. Jimi, Eric, Keith John, Paul & George. I seldom hear Robby Krieger mentioned, but after seeing him, it is clear what a brilliant guitarist he is. He squeezed sounds out of his guitar that most would sttribute to effects pedals, but he was doing it with fingers and strings. I realized how much he influenced the music of that era and it wasn't Mr. Manzarek alone who was responsible for The Doors' sound. His style is unique and so appropriate for the time, the Psychedellic Sixities. So he is now on my list of Rock And Roll Heroes, I will do my best not to overlook legendary Robby Krieger in the future.

Satisfaction

Yep, I'm going all the way back to the British Invasion era, the mid nineteen sixities to steal this title. It is from a band that's still around today, if you don't know who I'm referring to, then you're wasting your time reading this rant. The Rolling Stones penned this classic when Brian Jones was still a member and certainly wasn't dead. It's a timeless song and the sentiment is also without proportional boundaries.

I'm a slim guy. I like the way I look with my hair long. Long hair is not in style these days. I don't particularly care. But I don't want to be lumped in with the Dead-Head, pony-tailed baldies who never remove their baseball caps, even when they take a shower. So once a year I go through the effort to get my locks trimmed. I like hair hanging down in my face, I have no idea why. Every time I get my tresses pruned, I give the scissor-master the same instructions, I'd like it collar length in the back, clean around the ears, LEAVE THE FRONT LONG! If I don't get what I want, I will not return to that establishment. I am now running out of places to go. For some reason, LONG to a barber means, "cut it an inch above the eyebrows". Nobody has ever asked me how long I want it. There have been times I've instructed the person doing the clipping to leave it the length it was when I walked in the door. Yet they still bob it about an inch long in the front. Does Rosetta Stone make a disc to instruct one on how to speak hair-stylist? I cannot get through to these people. It is the end of October. I last got my hair bobbed in January. That's ten months to let it grow out and some fat chick whacked it off again, leaving me to wait another year to get it the length I like, before starting all over again. I'v gone to all of the local haircutting establishments and I'm expanding my range ever-outward, and have yet to come across a snipper who'll give me what I ask for. The next title I'll have to borrow when addressing this issue is, "Give The People What They Want" by The Kinks, another British Invasion mainstay. As my range of experimentation expands outward, my musical choices are receding backwards. There must be some sort of mathematical equation to explain this, because logic certainly doesn't apply.

Another One Bites The Dust

Once again, I've helped-myself to thesong title of a song that I strongly dislike. The early stuff that Queen put out was really energy filled, but they settled into a slump of dull songs that leave me feeling frustrated. I've grown to dislike the Queen songs that are played on the radio, mostly because they are overplayed, and have been for way too long. This is a song that I NEVER liked, so I can't blame the radio overplaying it for that. But Queen is not what I'm bitching about this time, it's RADIO. There a re lots of good Radio songs I could have chosen, Joe Jacksons' "On The Radio", Elvis Costellos' "Radio Radio", R.E.Ms' " Radio Silence" are all good choices, but I'm afraid that I have already used them at one time or another. So it goes.

I know that I mentioned that I once worked in radio and have an unhealthy love for the media that is rapidly sinking to microscopic proportions. For a while my station of choice was WRXP F.M. They had the most eclectic mix of contemporary music going for any commerical station in the Tri-State area. In mid-July of 2011 I went on vacation. When I returned, WRXP was a different station and no longer used those call letters. They can still be streamed on a computer or smartphone, but I'm odd. I like using my phone for...get this...phone calls. Now New York is almost devoid of any commercial rock and roll influences that aren't 'easy listening', 'lite' or 'classic". There are now three stations I have on my presets. WFUV F.M, WBAB F.M. and WAXQ F.M.

The problem with WRXP is that they seemed to not know what to play, so they tried a whole slew of combinations and never got a set audience. There was only one D.J who I actually found entertaining, informative and creative. The morning team I found to be truly obnoxious and incompetent in many ways. These two doofi ( the plural of doofuses) ended up switching with the guy I considered to be their star player, Steve Craig. It was too little too late. Apparently their ratings sucked and they were cast aside like the rest of the trash.

I then began exclusively lsitening to WAXQ simply by default. They aren't playing any new 'Classic Rock', because in their moronic opinion, there isn't any new classic rock. A supergroup featuring former members of Van Halen, Montrose, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, and a solo guitarist of some esteem has put out their third album, none of which I have heard on the New York stations. Who makes these decisions? I like the mid morning D.J. Maria Milito. She's got a pleasant voice and demeanor so despite the fact that I'm hearing the same old stuff day in and day out, it doesn't sound so muddy. It takes skill to do that. Her afternoon replacement is a twerp of mythic proportions. Ken Dashow is a sports nurd. Most of what he says I find irritating, annoying and uninteresting. If I wanted to hear a moron talk about sports, I'd listen to Imus. As far as morons go, he far surpasses Dashow. I tune out when he's on with one exception. He does a feature called " The Three At Three" where he plays three songs in a row and you have to figure out what the common factor is. In most cases it's sports related, which makes it all just as annoying as he is. In some cases it is a news story that I haven't heard since I still get my news from TV and at three p.m. I'm still at work. Now when I tune in to WAXQ, it's simply for the songs. Once the ones I like are over, I begin pressing the buttons again.

In late spring of this year...2011, I happened to see a write-up in the local newspaper about one of my favorite power-pop bands, The Smithereens playing at a venue close to where I live. I never got to see them when I worked in radio, so I took the plunge. The auditorium was smaller than my grade school theater and the sound was awful, but they put on a great show, which happened to be sponsored by WFUV F.M.the station of Fordham University. I began listening to them to see what they had to offer. The best thing is that they're listener sponsored, so my ears are not assaulted by dreadful Geico and Rosetta Stone commercials. They play a bit too much folky stuff for my tastes, but familiarity lessens the ho-hum quality of much of what they play. I could do without many of the bands that they're high on like Fleet Foxes, Coldplay, The Black Keys, Bon Iver and Phoenix, but've been exposed to a bunch of bands I would never have heard if I hadn't begun listening. They also feature two of the D.J.s I listened to in my youth, Dennis Elsas and Vin Scelsa, the second of whom is one of my all-time faves. Vin is a real hero of rock and roll, beause he has the ear to put it all out there and let his listeners decide what they like. I have been exposed to a lot of very interesting music, but I still need my testosterone loaded hard rock and heavy metal, which I'm not going to get at WFUV. This brings up my third choice...

WBAB F.M. I used to hate this station because their program director and morning man was a total dipshit. He's gone now and I believe one of my old co-workers is their program director. I'm not positive about this, but WBLAB ( that's not a typo) is stuck in the same rut as WAXQ. The same ol', same ol' is basically what they play. If Paul McCartney came out with new music, that would get exposure but anything else that's untested would have to sell a shitload of music before they'd add them to their playlist. I'd listen to them more, but they're more geared to the Suffolk County listeners, so I have a hard time picking them up, and often get crosstalk with a Spanish speaking station.

As Bob Dylan Zimmerman said, " The times, they are a changin'" and I suppose if I'm going to keep up on the state of rock and roll, I'll have to change with them. I wish that all the MP3/F.M. players I've thrown my money away on, had batteries that lasted for more than four hours so I'd have a fighting chance! I'd hate to have to rely on my phone to get my streaming music, the one time I actually would get a call, my batteries would probably not be able to handle it!

Breakfast In America

It isn't easy to always try and use a song title for this piece of writing I call my own. I swiped the title of a song I truly dislike, simply because it's all that I could think of that fits the Rock and Roll category. It is the end of September 2011, and the possible inductees to the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame have been announced. The majority are bands or performers I do not like or consider to be worthy of induction. It brings up a unique question...How exactly does one label a piece of music Rock And Roll? Is all music geared towards young people Rock? I certainly don't think so. Many of the new nominees I consider to be jazz-fusion, disco or hip-hop artists, voiding them from induction. I don't get to make the rules so my thoughts don't count. Do the people get a say in this decision? But I'm getting away from my theme here. I used a piece by the band, 'Supertramp' because I don't know of any other rock tunes with 'Breakfast' in the title.

It is often said that, "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day". I have no problem agreeing with that thought. I find it peculiar that many adults get up and go about their days without eating a good breakfast at home. They rely on the morning break at their workplaces to go for sustenance. This generally ends up being some sort of egg sandwich, or pastry such as muffins or danish. Not exactly the kind of meal to get you fired up in the morning. They are heavy in carbohydrates, which is a primary reason for the probelm with citizens of the United States being grossly overweight. I LOVE muffins! But it has become increasingly standard for them to be sliced from top to bottom and then buttered, instead of side to side. This creates a problem trying to eat them without scattering the sections that fall off all around your seat, the sidewalk, dashboard, or wherever you choose to eat them. Like cupcakes, muffins come in paper cups to help them hold together during the baking process. Once they are removed, the cup often has portions of the pastry stuck to it. By cutting it, it is now more difficult to eat without depositing the bulk of the crumbs in your lap. I don't know why this has become standard, It doesn't take any more effort to slice the cap off the muffin before buttering it, and this also leaves more bites that have the butter included, rather than trying to eat a muffin that's buttered side to side. But people are stupid, and I'm sure this trend won't go away, so make a mess of yourself, see what I care.

I really want to talk about my favorite breakfast and possibly food of any category...pancakes!
Not long ago the restaurant chain, DENNY'S opened a branch on Long Island. Prior to this, I always went to IHOP for my dosage of carbo-loaded goodies. IHOP does a deal every January where they have an All You Can Eat pancake special. I once told a co-worker that I thought I could eat twenty pancakes. It was during this time of year that I decided to put my money where my mouth is, and see how many I could make disappear. For the longest time, I never got further than seventeen flapjacks. At IHOP they have a couple of options, you can get a serving of eggs, hash browns and sausage, bacon or ham along with three pancakes and then they'll bring you as many refills as you like in groups of three. Or you can just go for a straight pancake flush, where they bring you a stack of five hotcakes and then go to the three per refill servings. I opt for this venue whenever I try to set a standard. My current personal record is twenty three, which I'm desperately trying to break. The downside is that since pancakes are almost 100% carbohydrates, my blood sugar levels are always sky high, making it necessary for me to take HUGE doses of insulin to keep my diabetes semi-in-control. If I were to camp-out at the local IHOP I think that there is no question that I could surpass my record of gluttony, but who has time to do that? I certainly don't. So, getting back to Denny's, they have the All You Can Eat pancake breakfast all year round, plus, they're open twenty four hours a day, so I could roll in at three in the A.M. and begin to stuff myself. The downside is Denny's pancakes are much larger than IHOPs', and less fluffy. They'll start you out with three cakes and then bring the following servings in pairs, so it takes longer to get to the taking-off point. On the plus side, Denny's serves their cakes with butter that's soft and easy to spread. Being relegated to no-sugar added syrup is not a choice that I favor. The sweetener used is a diuretic and causes extreme flatulence as well, making me a walking gas-bag of a one man symphony of toots and razzes. I make my cakes moist by slathering them with butter. IHOP keeps their butter cold so it doesn't get any food-borne bacteria or germs and it often tears the cakes up when you try to spread it. Dennys' cakes are harder to cut, often making it a mess to saw through the tough edges and strew the fragments all over the table in the process. So far I've only managed to stuff down thirteen Dennys' hotcakes, a record I desperately want to break, but thirteen seems to be my lucky number...I cannot get past it.

These A.Y.C.E specials are kept to the basic pancakes, so my real fave..blueberry panackes are not eligible as equipment in this sports challenge. IHOP has all sorts of dessert-like combos that have probably next to no nutritional value, yet sure would make it easier to sit around and gorge myself, but more difficult to keep that in a healthy blood-sugar range. Denny's only seems to have just one type of pancake, so that eliminates any tempatation to pork-up on something even more off-the-charts, as far as my eating habits go. So, where do you stand on this issue? Do you think you could eat more than twenty three IHOP cakes, or more than thirteen Dennys' cakes? I'll take on all comers! What abolut muffins, do you prefer them sliced top to bottom or side to side? These are the issues I'd like to see the politcal candidates tackle in the upcoming election year. The hell with the economy!

I Wonder Who?

As always, I try to start my rants with a song title...a ROCK AND ROLL song title! I was torn between two tunes this time. The first was "Question", the landmark tune from The Mooody Blues. The second is a blues number by the late, great "Irish Clapton" Rory Gallagher. I live in the suburbs of New York City, one of the greatest cities on the planet, and yet there is an extremely limited selection of rock and roll radio to listen to. I touched on this in an earlier post, but it seems to grieve me more and more. Having dumped six years of my life intoa toilet bowl radio station on Long Island, so I know that radio is a business and if it doesn't make money, no matter how hip they are, they cannot and will not survive. But to be bombarded with the same treacle day in and day out is making me nutso. I like Billy Joel, he's a brilliant song wrtiter and musician, but I don't want to hear "Miami 2017" every day for the rest of my life. Radio overplays everything they play. I think I may have mentioned that I was in college when Meatloaf released his landmark album, "Bat Out Of Hell". I liked and wanted to buy it, but never got around to it. Now I thank heavens every time I heart "Paradise By The Dashboard Light", that I didn't throw away good money on it. Radio stations pounded it into the dirt. It was radio wallpaper, I heard it enough to last a lifetime. The smae goes with other crap from that era, "The Sultans Of Swing" was another victim of gross overplay. I cring when I hear the opening bars from any Dire Straits tunes. So the "Question" is: " I Wonder Who " decides what is considered "Calssic Rock" and how it is determined?

The Moody Blues were a landmark band in the progeressive era, and yet they cannot buy their way into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame, but Madonna can, and she never rocked a day in her life. What determines what is Rock And Roll and what is Pop Music? There are so many bands and songs that I recall being all over the radio dial, that have drifted into obscurity. Much of the Moody Blues vast collection of rock has been filed away in the dust bin.

I was in college when the Jefferson Starship released the album Red Dragon, and the song "Miracles" was a mega hit, but where is it now? I rarely hear any Jeff Airplane/Starship on the blab box these days. The Airplane/Starship were one of the innovative bands of the sixties and up through the early eighties. Are they in the R&R Hall Of Fame? I'm not sure, without looking it up.

There are lots of bands that have a lot more leeway than others, The ones you'd expect...Beatles, Stones, Who, Zep, Floydd, Cream, The Doors, and I don't have a problem with those choices. As much as I detest Spruce Stringbean's music, I can understand why he gets stomped into ourt eardrums, but I'm not so sure about Tom Petty. I like his stuff, but he is NOT in the same category as the first list of players, and he's gotten to the point where i'm on the verge of hating him because I hear it so much, not only that, but it's always the same small pack of songs. He's got a vast collection, ...spread the maure around, rather than dumping it all in one big stinking heap!

I consider Emerson, Lake and Palmer a supergroup. I saw them when they did their "Works" tour with a seventy piece orchestra. They had a song called, "Pirates" that was one of the most memorable songs of the summer that the movie, "The Deep" came out. I always associate the song with the movie, so when The "Pirates Of The Carribean" movies series became collossal blockbusters, I figued that it was a given that some D.J. would dig up and revive the interest in that wonderful piece of music...boy, was I ever wrong! "Karnevel #9" is about all I hear from those innovators.

So who is calling the shots? It certainly isn't the listeners,. There is a small minority that want more, but the average schlubb is satisfied hearing the same old drech day in and day out. I pity the poor D.J.s that are stuck with this routine as their job, it does force them to get creative and expand the boundaries, even if it's only by millimeteres rather than miles. I listen to Maria Malito on WAXQ F.M. She's got an appealing voice and does a respectable job of not sounding bored by the lack of variety. She's followed by a twerp named Ken Dashow, he has the annoying habit of expressing his view on subjects that don't amount to a fart in a hurricane. If I wanted to hear an idiot talk about sports, I'd listen to Imus. I tune him into hear special he does called,
" The Three At Three", where at three o'clcok in the afternoon he plays three songs and the listeners have to guess the common bond. In most cases it is so easy it is impossible not to know the link, in others it is something that is completely out in left field, on rare occaisions it is truly challenging . I listen to that feature, then bail out because he is the king of inane chatter.

Down the radio dial is a station that makes the bogus claim, "The only radio station polaying new music in New York". Too bad the new music is packaged like the other pop culkture we're force fed. For a while they were playing all kinds of innovative artists, but that seems to have come to a screeching halt. I cannot hear bands like, The Duke Spirit, The Kaiser Chiefs, Ben Harper, Lilly Allen, Regina Spektor, Ray LaMontaigne, Pete Yorn, they've all been swpet aside for Pearl Jam, The Foo Fighters, Green Day, Nirvana...all bands I like but the bands I dislike are truly irritating. The Black Keys, Cold Play, Smashing Pumpkins, Phoenix, all fall into the Choice B category. They used to have a morning show that two abrasive clods. A female sidekick/newsperson who always botched up peoples names and pronunciations of common words and her coworker, who I respect because he's a rock and roll encyclopedia is another blank slate as far as his personailty goes. Sometimes he tries to talk tough which is the only funny thing that ever comes out of his mouth, he reminds me of Dr. Lovelace from the old TV series, "The Wild Wild West", he's the size of a peanut and about as intimidating as peanut butter. Iam happy to see that the opne Jock I like, Steve Craig got the morning slot. He does a few things to break up the monotony much better than the other beanbags who work there. I generally don't listen as much as I'd like because he's still playing songs that make me automatically hit the "dump" button.

Not long ago I saw a concert by one of the country's best songwriting bands, The Smithereens and it was sponsored by a college station. I began listening because two of the D.J.s were favorites of mine from an innovative station that no longer exists. They play too much folky stuff for my liking but it is more tolerable than haveing wax stuffed INTO my ears, rather than cleared from them.

So, here in the suburbs of the Hippest City on Earth, I have to play Radio Roulette to find music that I can get excited about, and I'm still not satisfied...should I have titled this blog, "Satisfaction"?

Just an aisde, a band called Bloodwynn Pig did a song called, " I Wonder Who" as well as Ray Charles. I know that the Pig song isn't the same as the Rory Gallagher blues number, I'll have to see what Ray Charles did, it's got to be better than what I'm being force fed.

Radio Radio

It doesn't seem so long ago that Elvis Costello ( Declan McManus) was singing those words in the heart of the punk revolution. There are several other songs I could have chosen, R.E.M's "Radio Silence" would be appropriate, so would Joe Jackson's, " On The Radio". All are iconoclastic tunes from the same era, an age when radio was alive, it bristled with excitement about what new music would show up on any particular day. Radio isn't like that any more. Radio is a business, and creativity is nothing if it isn't making money. So Here in Metropolitan New York, the hippest city in the world, there is no good commercial radio to get exposed to new artists. Radio has been choked by the bean counters. Of course the listeners are also to blame.
When I was in college, I had an instructor for one of my radio classes, and he kept on saying,
" You'll never go broke underestimating the intelligence of the American audience". I sat in those classes thinking to myself, 'It's the 1970's, this isn't the nineteen twenties, Americans are educated, informed and alert, we're not a bunch of dupes!'. Boy, was I ever wrong! We're worse than saps, we're a bunch of sheep, lemmings following the lead of whoever is out in front.

I grew up in a time when radio was playing everything that came out, entire albums got played to let us decide what we wanted to hear, now it's a bunch of doofuses who decide what we're to be force fed. The legendary rock station in New York was WNEW F.M. I heard so much from listening to them, not only music but opinions about the times we lived in. The disc jockeys went on tangents playing stuff that came to mind as they went along. It was exciting. There are now only two so-called rock stations in New York City. The classic rock station plays a steady diet of stuff that gets played over and over on a daily basis. This stuff has been around since the nineteen sixties and yet they cannot find enough to vary the play list so we don't get bloated listening to it. I think Billy Joel is an extremely talented song writer and musician but I don't want to hear "Miami 20/17" every day. This goes for all the other stuff that's crammed down our throats, and yet every day I hear people call in saying how much they love this station,. These are the ones that my professor was talking about. American Idiots! There is another station that plays some of the overlapping music. Sure they play Cheap Trick's " Surrender" and "I Want You To Want Me" but none of the other great Cheap Trick tunes ever hit their airways. They tout themselves as the only station in New York playing new music, it's semi true but it's so watered down with the leftovers from the nineties that it sounds as static as the stuff the Classic Rock station plays. For months I heard the airstaff raving about a hot new band called, The Black Keys. They only played one song and it was mediocre to a painful degree. It's title is "Tighten Up". I kept thinking, "If they're so good, how come they only play one song?" In the 1960's there was a band called , Archie Bell And The Drells, they had a song called "The Tighten Up" which was also a dance. Back in those days, there were all sorts of stupid dances, The Watusi, The Frug, The Freddie, The Swim, The Pony, and a myriad of others. John Travolta could do a hundred more "Pulp Fiction" movies to get them all in. But the Archie Bell song was more memorable than the Black Keys tune, and it has long ago faded into obscurity. The Black Keys record company has released another song to be pounded into our eardrums. I don't know the title of this one, but it sounds like a mash-up of Gary ( I'm Not A Child Molester) Glitter's Rock And Roll Part II. Needless to say, I turn away whenever either of those songs pop up on the dial. Much of what they play, I have a similar feeling towards. I don't think it's an age thing, because much of the stuff I love, but it is so watered down that any impact is negated. The Cars released their first album in twenty years and it sounds pretty good from the one song they've played, but if it gets no support from radio stations it will end up in the back rack with all the other stuff that's gone unplayed. Late in 2010 DEVO released a new recording, that also sounded like the vintage stuff they put out, but it got no support from radio and it never was more than a curiosity, I can't even recall the title of the disc.
So we're going to be hearing a lot of Supertramp's "The Logical Song" and the typical Beatles, Stones, Who, Led Zeppelin, blended in with Tom Petty, Van Halen, Spruce Stringbean, Bob Dylan, Jimi Hendrix, etc., etc., etc untill we cannot stand it anymore, the ratings on those stations fade and they're taken over by Spanish and Eastern European language speaking stations, and that's the dollars and cents of it all. Radio is NOT our sound salvation, Radio is pure frustration...with apologies to Elvis Costello.

Bitchin' Camaro

As I've previously mentioned, I AM a car freak!Alot of trade publications have made a big deal about the rerelease of GM's touted "Muscle Car" the Camaro. The car had goen through many generations and it was finally yanked from production in the early2000's. But consumer demand for a car that's not front wheel drive and has some ooomph, made them rethink that decision.

I'm using the title by and band called The Dead Milkmen, a semi-punk group from the 1980's for this rant. I don't know why I bother, I don't read other peoples' blogs, so it should come as no surprise that nobody reads mine, but it's a plcace for me to vent my unwanted opinions, so here goes...

When I heard that Chevrolet was bringing back the Camaro, I was sort of psyched. I always liked the car...well not always, but most of the time I thought they were cool looking and had good performance. When early photos of the proposed new version of the muscle machine were leaked, I was a bit more receptive to the idea, because it looked more like the first generation of the pony car. Now that they've been out for a while and I see them on the street, I'm less impressed. They seem to be suffering the same problems as todays youth...obesity! The car doesn't look sleek, it looks like it's packing too many pounds around it's mid-section. It looks bulky and clunky. Looks can be deceiving, because it has good performance statistics, but yet I sure wouldn't want one because of it's look like it needs to go on a diet. Many of the "tuner" cars sport a lot of stuff that looks like it was glued on them, and one of those are these "body kits". For the most part I feel that these kits don't enhance the looks of the vehicle aside from making it look different from what rolled off the factory floor. The new Camaro has that same look, only it's not a body kit, it's the way it was designed. Sure, I'm at the age where I start to whine about how things were different when I was young, but I'm not a complete Luddite, I do like change and seeing things evolve, but I'd like to see them evolve into something that looks better, not worse. I'm going to attempt to post some pictures on this to let you compare and decide which is more visually appealing, to put me in my place if I'm wrong.

American Idiot

Well for once my title is directly related to the topic of my rant. This is the title of an album by Green Day, that I happen to like...ALOT ! It has gotten pretty good reviews and won some Grammy Awards, so it was made into a Broadway Play. As a Christmas Gift, I asked for a ticket to see this production. It happened during a span where Billy Joe Armstrong, the front man, guitarist of Green Day, and writer of the play was appearing in the show. It's been a longgggg time since I saw anything on Broadway, other than taxi cabs and traffic, so this was a big night out for me. First of all, the seating at the St. James Theater was NOT comfortable. Secondly, I shouldn't have had two beers with my dinner because there was no intermission. Those things aside, I really enjoyed the musical, but it wasn't a ten on a scale of one to ten. If you had no idea of what the plot was, it wasn't easy to figure it out. Secondly the choreography was minimal. I'm not sure iof that was intentional, to give it a punk "edge" or just economical, to keep it going for a limited run. In any case, the cast was very good, the music is what made the show, but since there was almost no spoken wording, the story line was not a "gimme" Despite stretches where I wasn't quite sure what was going on, I still enjoyed it thoroughly. When it became apparent that I wasn't going to make it to the encore without emptying my bladder, the trip to the men's room in the basement caused me to miss a couple of segments that were important to the play. The price of $137.00 dollars per ticket is also out of my price range. I can't afford that for a concert, and I know that Broadway shows aren't geared towards the working class, I think more people would take the plunge if they were less expensive. That said, I still enjoyed it alot and would encourage any rock fans to give it a viewing.

Heartbreaker

It's St. Valentine's Day 2011. With that in mind, I chose a song title that several bands use for different songs. Led Zeppelin, Free, Pat Benatar and Grand Funk Railroad all have tunes with that title yet they are different songs. But those aren't what I'm whining about today. Nope, this is the day of love...or so the legend says. But a new study claims that there are many men AND women who don't like Valentine's Day. In all likelihood, they're single and can't get dates, the hype that goes along with the day bring them down even more, because they don't have anyone to send chocolates, cards, jewelry, flowers or any of the other items linked to romance to. I am not one of them. Yes, I am hopelessly single and have no hot prospects on the horizon, but I treat the day for what it is, just another day. I could have titled this after Joe Jackson's "Biology", or The Michael Stanley Band's "Chemistry", because hormones play a huge role in our mating/dating choices, but the universal symbol of St. Valentine's Day is the heart. Of course the heart is simplified to a symetrical red icon, when in reality, it's a kind of gross mass of bloody vessels and it's multicolored and hardly the thing to decorate a card professing one's love for another.
In real life, the emotions are experienced in the brain and the heart is simply a muscle that circulates blood through the body, a glorified sump pump if you will. But it doesn't sound right to say, "that girl broke my brain". I'm sure that the Zeppelin tune "Brainbreaker" wouldn't have the punch that "Heartbreaker" has. To tell a loved one that you care for them with all your brain, just doesn't do it. But neither does any other vital body organ either. Hallmark would be out of buisness if they had card that expounded on you love a person with all your liver, kidneys or intestines. So why are we so moved by the heart? Sure we couldn't live without it, but we also can't live without oxygen, nutrition, water, and shelter, and yet those things aren't associated with romance. Who is the genius that started the whole myth that the heart is where the emotion of love is centered? I don't think Leonardo Da Vinci can get the credit for that, or maybe I should say blame. It's all wrong, and as much as I know it, out of habit I still use those trite cliches as much as any other doofus. What's going though our heads when we speak of "matters of the heart"? Why is this bad habit so hard to break?
Our social system is geared towards us pairing off, in hopes of propogating the species. There aren't a whole lot of single seater automobiles on the market for losers like myself who can't connect. Ever go on vacation by yourself, and try to get a single occupancy room? Forget about it, all prices are based on two in a room, so a single person is punished for being socially awkward or undesirable by being charged more to sleep alone. Where's the justice in that? I tthink the major hotel chains should have a discount room for people who are fighting the overpopulation of our planet. You'd think these corporate titans would have a little heart, or at least some brain.

Tonight

I'm obviously showing my age. All the song titles I've used to kick-start my rantings are from the sixties, seventies and eightites. Occasionally I'll come up with a nineties or double zero song, but those are rare. I can put the blame in a lot of places, first of all, with CDs and MP3 style music, the packaging is less prone for study than an album cover. Even a cassette box isn't something you can pore over while cruising in the car...at least it's hard to do safely, but tell THAT to the doofi ( the plural of doofus) who text message ad-nauseum while behind the wheel. Secondly, I spend less money and time proing over my music choices than I did when I was a younger man, something I'm not proud to admit. And probably most of all, I'm just eveloving into an old fart, and the music of the younger generation is less appealing to me than the stuff I grew up with, although one never stops gorwing up, I can name the few bands I'm into who are currently on the charts on one hand. Thank heacvens for The Foo Fighters and Green Day, because without them, my interest in the Grammies is in the negative column.

Cheap Trick penned a song simply titled, " Tonight" it's a real, raucous rocker that never gets played on any of the oldies stations, classic rock stations or pop music stations. Tonmight, February 13th 2011 is the Grammy awards ceremony. Grammies are traditionally long, drawn out tedious exercises in inanity. The music I like seldom gets nominated, let alone chosen for this award, so I see no point in wasting two or three hours of my life watching tardos like Eminem accept awards for music that means nothing to me, it's pointless. The Grammies aren't about what's good, it's about what sells. That's it, plain and simple. When I was younger there were lots of ablums that I bolught that I look at now and wonder, " What was I thinking when I spent $12.99 of my hard earned cash on this piece of crap?". I'm reasonably sure that when people go through the annals of history and look at previous winners of this award, will think " Why did that poseur deserve an award?" Hindsight is 20/20. And it's perfectly clear to me, that the judges for this contest are looking through their asses. If you don't believe me, check the results Tomorrow.

Madison Avenue Man

This is a title I pickpocketed from Greg Kihn., best known for "The Breakup Song" and "Jeopardy". His earlier works had more of a punk rock tone to them, if this sparks your interest, check out a tune called, "Museum". But I'm not here to expound on my admiration for Mr. Kihns' songwrtiting abilities, no I've got a beef with...the hype over the Superbowl ads...

The local newspaper, published a top five rating of the ads that ran during the most watched TV event of any sports season. The ad they rated as #1, was a horrid piece of schlock, that was way too long, took too long to make a point and went nowhere after it made it's message known. Those flaws aside, it featured Eminem, a rapper whose work I can't stand, so it was a loser on all fronts for me. Yet on Monday morning I was reading quotes where people claimed it brought tears to their eyes. What a bunch of sappy wimps! The hype of the ads far surpasses the hype of the ultimate football face off, and every year the ads become more and more disappointing. At one time, New Yorks' Madison Avenue was the hotbed of the advertising universe. With computer technology, any doofus can produce and shoot a decent quality ad. This year there were some submissions to Pepsi Cola, I believe that weren't far removed from the CGI ads of mega companies. Volkswagen had two ads that i found enjoyable, but only one got any acclaim. The old adage, " Half a loaf is bertter than none" comes into play in that case. Budweiser always has entertaining ads, and this year was no exception. E-trade also has some that are amusing. Chevy Trucks had a winner this year, and Audi had one near the very end that made me laugh, but most of the other car ads were lame-o. There was an animated ad that also featured Eminem, that I also hated, so I'm two for two on the Eminem front. The Best Buy ad featuring Ozzie Osbourne was a bit of a letdown, it didn't suck the big one, but it wasn't hilarious either. What has happened to the cretive minds who used to come up with all those memorable ads from my childhood? Have they been pout into suspended animation, to save for a brighter time? Why am I constantly bombarded with shitty Geico ads? Humor is a perfect selling point, so why are there so many drab, dull and lifeless ads decorating our televsion sets? Is it a "lowest common denominator" type of theory, that the humor has to be at a third grade level to appeal to the average American? I had tried to get a job in advertising after I emerged from college, and discovered that I didn't have the backbone for it. I knind of wish that i hadn't given up so easily, because what i see on the tube these days m,akes me feel like I couldn't do any worse than the hacks who are polluting our airwaves in this time frame!

Jet

As I have previously mentioned, I am NOT a fan of Paul McCartneys' solo band Wings. But this song title fits the rant I have this week, so here it goes... For the most part, football songs SUCK Big Time! They are written by sports nurds who have zero talent for song writing. Back in the Bill Parcells era of the New York Giants, Howard Sterns' crew wrote a song to the tune of "Summer Time Blues". called " Big Blue Wrecking Crew" That was the best of all the parodies I've heard before and after. Today, Janurary 23rd, 2011 The New York Jets will play the Pittsburgh Steelers for the AFC title and a chance to go to the Superbowl. That's great, I'm all for it, but since the Jets no longer play their home games in New York State, I'm a shade ambivalent about it. For weeks the hype haqs been nauseating and even worse, a slew of truly HORRIBLE songs hacve cropped up and the idiots who have the power to say how badly these tunes Bite The Bag, are playing them like mindless idiots. Some starving, wannabe, song writer from Great Neck wrote a Goddawful hip-hop song about the Jets that was featured on CBS TV news and the moronic newscasters actually LIKED it! YUK! The local Classic Rock radio station has been playing a heap of garbage called " Rex Machine" after the abhorrent disco tune "Sex Machine" which also blows BIG Time! The D.Js promote the hell out of it, and all that does is inspire me to change stations before my eardrums are assaulted by this crap. Doesn't anyone have any taste about music anymore? Why can't a Disc Jockey actually say, "Nice try, but this is below listenable standards!"?
Some fireman came up with a chant that has taken off at Jets games where the rooters will all call out the letters, " J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets!" All I can say is that this is also high on the lameness scale, and as far as creativity goes, it's in the negative column. It makes me wonder if we had a team name with a lot of letters in it, would these neanderthals be able to spell it? " C-R-U-H-S-E-R-S, nope wait...C-R-S-H-....no that's not right...C-U-S-H- no wait...C-R-U-S-H-E-R-S, what's that spell?......uhhhhh I think....ughhhhh...maybe it's uhhhhhh......." I'm a football fan but I refuse to subject myself to the idiocy of going to as sports bar to miss a game. I'm always amazed at the stupid things I hear my co-workers saying on Monday mornings. If I want to hear a bunch of dolts talking about what shoulda, coulda, woulda been, I'd listen to WFAN. I don't need a heard of iliterate doofuses at work expounding on the faults and flaws of the games.
I wasn't a believer that the Jets had what it takes to go the distance, and I am being proven wrong, that's cool I hope they can do it, but if I have to listen to the endless stream of hype about it, when there's much more important stuff being sidelined in the news because of it, I might go bugnuts and send stink bombs to the News broadcasters, just to highlight how shallow they've become. The Jets going to the playoffs should be covered in the sports section of the news and that's IT! It isn't a world changing event if they win or lose! It's a goddamn GAME, that's all! Learn to live with it!