On The Radio

I worked at a local radio station in the 1980's. I was in tune to the music that was coming out in that era and I like to think that I am kind of in step with the tunes that are coming out now, but in reality, I'm only fooling myself. I'm out of the loop. This time I am bitching about music...or how it's presented to us. Joe Jackson had a cool tune I believe from his second album, about the radio. I don't subscribe to satellite, I don't have an adapter in my truck to play Pandora, I haven't even installed my CD/Casette player in my vehicle yet, and I also used to work as a mobile electronics installer. I get most of my music over the airwaves and a new station has come to my attention. They're further out on the Island than I am, so the reception is spotty. I like the music they offer, but the station has ZERO personality. Their call letters escape me, but they use the title, The Shark. Talk about empty bluster, The Shark has it in aces! Despite playing music I am drawn to, there's virtually nothing to like about the The Shark. They have no D.Js, all the tunes are introduced by prerecorded voices. They also have lots of self promoting garbage in between the songs, that only make me dislike them even more. If this is the future of radio, I think I'd prefer to remain a luddite. I can't stand trying to swim with The Shark!

Motorcycle Irene

This is a song title I swiped from a Moby Grape album. It's a pretty cool song too, but as usual, I'm not really writing about music, this time my beef is...American Chopper. The reality show has been on for ten years and they're calling it quits. The last show that has aired was a build-off between Paul Teutel Jr., Paul Teutel Senior, Jesse James and The guy from " Fast & Loud" Aaron Kaufman.
     I started watching the show because I'm a car-nut, and anything about Kustom Vehicles catches my eye.
I was irritated by Paul Junior because he fit the description of a Pompous Ass to a tee! In one epsiode he kept ranting about how he was a designer and he had the creative eye. He drew a sketch of a gas tank he dreamed up and then sent the drawing to some out-of-towner to build. He works in a shop full of ultra cool machines and he's having somebody else build his gas tanks? What the hell kind of designer is he? He left Orange County Choppers and started his own shop. Right off the bat I thought he was a blow-hard because I hated his logo. He has built some nice bikes since then, but he's also built some white-trash monstrosities as well. I am an avid Do It Yourselfer, I like to work on my truck and trick-it-out any way I can, but there's also a matter of taste,  I'm not into the garish rides that scream, " Here I Am, Look At Me"!. That's what he builds. This latest episode, he built a bike that I actually liked. Jesse James is a world reknowned fabricator, but he's also got a big mouth, the difference is that Jesse can back up his talk with his talent. Paul Teutel Senior has a first class shop, but he's the overseer, he doesn't actually build the bikes anymore. He's got a staff that builds them, his build-off bike was no exception. I liked his bike as well, he stepped out of his comfort zone and built a sport bike. Coincidentally, so did Jesse James. I found Paul Senior's bike more esthetically pleasing than Jesse's, but they were equally cool. The newcomers were the Fast and Loud pair, even though Aaron did all the building,  I liked their bike as well. It was a down to earth, roots style home built Harley. Not a cheesey over-the-top style bike like what Paul Junior builds. As fate would have it, Paul Junior won for the second time in a row. Now he's got more to be pompous about. As I said earlier, I actually liked his bike this year better than some of the other things he's created, but I still have a hard time considering him a better builder than Jesse James or his father. The old saying, " There's No Accounting For Taste" comes into play here. Dig up a copy of the old Moby Grape LP and listen to the tune Motorcycle Irene, it's a better experience than the Biker Build Off!

Tube Snake Boogie

This title was absconded from the timeless power trio ZZ Top. As always this has nothing to do with them, it's all about ME! I am in the process of customizing a truck that is a bare-bones model. I'm installing power door locks. I'm installing a kit that I purchased over the internet. I worked as a mopbile electronics installer in the late 1980's thru 1995, so I'm not a newbie in this process. The Brand that I bought was Viper. In the warranty information it asked a bunch of questions, and like most of these polls, they required a lot of stretching to answer truthfully. The instructions were a bit vague so I went online to try their tech support line...it exists only for authorized dealers.
Having discovered that fact, I tried the customer support line, which gave a listing of autorized dealers to go to for help. Way To Step Up To The Plate Viper Guys! None of this was any help to me. The reason I chose this brand was simply because it was all that was offered in my price range. In the past I avoided this particular manufacturer because I hadn't heard anything good about them. I hadn't heard anything bad either, I simply hadn't heard anything, which tells me a lot. They don't suck, but they also aren't hot stuff. In the process of seeking a way to answer the questions I have, I checked-out some on-line forums to get solutions to technical problems. They cost money, something that I don't have an abundance of. So the weather in New York is getting chilly, I've got my truck half pulled apart, I need to get it assembled to do things like...grocery shopping and the manufacturer won't stand behind their products. In the future  I won't go near Viper products even if they're the only company that makes what I need. I don't feel like getting Tube-Snaked again!

Draw The Line

Hah! I swiped this title from an Aerosmith album/song. Tonight, September 28th 2012 I experienced soemthing I'd never witnessed in person before....Line Dancing. Yeah, that's right. I've heard that Country/Western music is bigger in New York than anywhere else in our great nation. I've seen Line Dancing in movies and television shows, but this was my first real-life foray into such a pastime. The venue I witnessed this was at Hooters, of all places. The Hooters that I used to hang out in is too small to have live bands, let alone a bunch of white trash yokels lined up like dominoes trying to stay in synch with music. For this experience I had to travel to Farmingdale New York, in Suffolk County. The Hooters there was built specifically to be a Hooters, unlike my Hooters, which used to be a Sizzler Steak House and who-knows-what prior to that.  I'm a Rock 'N' Roller, so I'm not well versed in Country Western tunes, but I can tell good musicians, and the band carried their weight. The crowd was compiled of young & old, families, couples and people who looked as if hey just had nothing better to do.  I met some friends there, and had they not told me about it, I would have been gone in a flash, but I hung around to talk music with one of my few buddies. The people doing the dancing looked like they were forced laborers, told to do some menial, unrewarding task, most looked as if it was just routine, not something they actually enjoyed. For a couple of hours I watched a large grup of people doing essentially the same set of steps for dozens of diffeent songs. Fast, slow, upbeat and laid-back, and they kept on slogging along like a derelict locomotive with it's last lumps of coal about to be consumed and the water in the boiler no longer enough to propel it forward. During the last set, a more up-tempo tune, one of the Hooter Girls ran out onto the floor and began boggieing as if she had eaten a pound of methamphetamine. She was dancing like she loved every minute of that song. She waved her arms, whirled her hair, shimmied and shook like she was in an earthquake that registered off the Richter Scale. She was hypnotic! After the song ended, she went back to her duties waitressing and the automatons relined up and began their drone all over again. Natursally some were more adept at it than others, some looked as if the consumption of alcohol was impeding their dancing prowess, and some looked like zombies, who had no conrol over their bodies, they were mere marionettes, and somebody else was pulling the strings. Rock and roll dancers tend to be less sttructured in their steps, it's like their central nervous system takes over and the music is felt, not just heard. If you've ever watched  rock musicians play, they make all kinds of faces, and most are not conscious of it because they're so wrapped up in playing, everything else is secondary.  These people looked as if somebody had put a gun to their heads and said, " Dance, or I'll kill ya!". I knew only four of the songs played, and if nI ha dto dance to them, there is no way I'd be able to do it using the same preogression of steps over and over and over and over and over. They need to learn where to draw the line.

Top Of The Pops

This title was absconded from Generation X, a punk era band that featured singer William Broad, better known as Billy Idol. For the past four of five weeks I've been working in a building that is essentially empty. I've been paiting chairs and it has to be done in an environmant that is above fifty degrees so the paint will dry properly. Since the building is void of people, the only place large enough is in the boiler room, in the basement. There is limited readio reception in this spot, but by hooking pieces of wire around pipes and electrical conduits and then wrapping them around the radio antenna, I can pull in WAXQ New Yorks' Classic Rock station. The repetition is KILLING me! I hear the same old stuff day in and day out with little variation. The option to turn away is nonexistent, there's nothing else to listen to. From time to time there are TOP TEN listings. I'm here to spout my unwanted opinions on some of the top tens that I feel are not quite in alignment with my thinking.
Top Ten Classic Rock Albums These are the ones that I feel are must-haves from the sixties up. To narrow it down to ten is a heavy burden but here's what I've got...
10-Deja Vu-Crosby, Stills & Nash
9-Surrealistic Pillow-Jefferson Airplane
8-American Beauty-The Grateful Dead
7-Bayou Country-Creedence Clearwater Revival
6-Disraeli Gears-Cream
5-Who's Next-The Who
4-Led Zeppelin II
3-Sticky Fingers-The Rolling Stones
2-Abby Road-The Beatles
1-Electric ladyland-Jimi Hendrix

I know there are a million people who will say that this is wrong, that Sargeant Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band should be number one, that Nirvana should be in there, that I forgot Bob Dylan, and a thousand other should haves and should nots. I don't care, it's just an opinion, it's not cast instone. For anyone who didn't live through that era of political and social upheaval, this is as good a starting point for any record collection to expand upon. If you like rock and roll, I think that these are some records that do not disappoint. You can track them from side to side without having to skip over the lame songs...because there aren't any.

Backfield In Motion

This one goes back to 1966, a soul song by Mel & Tim is the only football tune I know, and it isn't even a football tune. It uses some clever double entendre about a cheatin' lover to get the point across. Nope, this rant isn't about cheatin' lovers, because that is something that I lack. I'm barking about the performance by a true rock hero, Steven Tyler of Aerosmith. He sang the Star Spangled Banner at the opening of the AFC conference title game on Sunday, January 22nd, 2012. It was awful. he sounded like a wounded animal, baying for a mate to come help get his leg out of a steel trap. Aerosmith is a band that I like, they've been undergoing some problems with personnel in-fighting, which is bound to happen to any group that's been together as long as they have. After several well publicized stints in various rehabs, Steven seemed to irritate the members more by taking on the role of a Judge on the hit television show, American Idol. This is a show that I tried watching in it's early stages and found deplorable, so I haven't seen his on-screen personna, but if he is going to belt out sour notes like he did this past Sunday, I think he'd better expect a shitstorm of negative criticism coming his way.
Let's face it, our National Anthem is not a particularly good song. It is based on the tune to an old British drinking song, who we fought a battle to be free from, forming a new nation that has evolved into one of the greatest in the world. Yet there are probably a bunch of drunken blokes laughing it up and throwing darts at a pub wall in the same tune as our representative anthem, that to me seems like we started out on the wrong foot. It has verses that span a range that a trained opera singer cannot comfortably vocalize, so we expect a bunch of dipshit celebrities to do so? We're in for a long string of disappointments.
I've seen and heard all sorts of versions of this musical disater being performed, and most of the singers don't seem to understand that this is a formality that should be gotten through as quickly as possible, yet many try to jazz it up by adding all sorts of wavers and warbles to their renditions, making it even more painful to listen to. I'll agree that it's too late to change our anthem, there are many veterans who know nothing about music who insist that this a good composition, and I repsec thwat they did to feel this way, but hey, grow some ears and USE them! Our national anthem is a punchline to a bad joke and due to tradition, we're stuck with it.

I Know, But I Don't Know

I took a step back through the age sto use this title from a not-so-well-known Blondie tune, for this particular tirade. Back in the mid 2000s, I think it was, there was a writers strike in Hollywood, and many television shows were put on hiatus due to this, simply because there was nobody to write the scripts for the shows scheduled to premiere in the fall. It was then that the Reality Shows became the saving grace of the networks. The talent, if you can call them that, was cheaper than hiring known actors, and the scripts were non-existent. Well these programs took off like the proverbial bat-out-of-hell, and the execs never looked back. Now all the channels are flooded with all sorts of contests and how-tos for every taste and habit known to humans. Some I watch and actually enjoy. But then there are some that make me wonder,
" Why do people care?".
I have no clue who the hell Kim and Courtney Kardashian are...yeah yeah, they're some sort of large busted fashion twits, who make the news all the time, but why is a mystery to me. Well one of these ninnies got married to a basketball player and the nuptials ended after seventy two days. Fine, who gives a shit?? Apparently a lot of people, because it made the news and stayed in the headlines for a whole lot longer than I considered interesting. Obviously I'm out of step with the rest of society, because months later, it still inspires reaction. there was an NBA strike and it looked as if there would be no 2011/20012 season, but at the last moment a deal was struck and the players went back to the courts on Christmas. When the guy who maried miss Who-Cares took to the court, he was booed by the hometeam fans. Hey, if he scores points and keeps the opposition from doing the same, that's all I consider pertinent. He's doing what he's paid to do. Why does anyone care about his love life? Especially in the sporting arena?
As I mentioned earlier, there are shows about just about anything and everything imaginable.Ordinary people trying to become chef, fashion models, beauticians, butchers, bakers, candlestick makers and partridges in pear trees. And for every bizarre occupation, there is an avid audience who cannot bear to miss single epsiode of this drivel.
One such program, one I've never seen and have no interest in viewing is a cooking show. The hostess is a southern belle who touts the use of large quantities of heart-attack inducing ingredients. It was revealed this week that she was diagnosed as a Type 2 diabetic several years ago, yet she never mentioned that, and never changed the recipes she broadcasted for her potentially obese viewers, to more heart healthy formulae. I hope she gets arteries so brittle that they crack like egg shells. Many years ago, I attended a Diabetes Education symposium. I was the only type 1 diabetic in attendance. Type 2 diabetes is a more stealthy disease, many people can have it for years and not know it. If they ate a healthy diet and did moderate exercise, the symptoms often go awaya nd they can live a life less restrictive than what I have to endure. After the educator gave a list of ways to help reverse the symptoms, almost every person in attendance said, " I can't do that" or " I won't do that". So instead they're willing to risk all sorts of pain-in-the-ass procedures because they won't walk up stqairs instead of takign an elevator or cannot force themselves to skip the cake when they go to a wedding. I hav eno sympathy for anyone that hard headed. They all wanted their doctors to prescribe them a magic pill to cure their woes, but couldn't take it upon themselves to live ahealthier lifestyle. They deserve to die a slow, horrible death. The fat-ass blob who hosts that cooking show, I think her name is Paula Dean, should be stoned to death for promoting her artery clogging meals to idiots like the ones I sat next to at that seminar. I am hardly an example of prime motivation, but I have made it my mission to live long enough to see a cure for diabetes become a reality, and I am not inclined to invite those other slobs to join me. Call me snobby, but If a person cannot make a small sacrifice to make their life richer and more rewarding, I think that there are too many others who can and do, that deserve to fill those spots on this planet.

It's Only Rock And Roll

I went for the obvious as opposed to the obscure for this title tune. The rumors are flying that the Stones are getting together to cut a new album, and a tour will undoubtedly follow, if that's the case. So it isn't stretching things too much to use a Rolling Stones title for this complaint. If the Stones do indeed put out a new compilation, where will I be able to hear it? Nowadays, the artists' web site is the most likely place. In New York there is no more rock and roll radio that's going to go out on a limb and play anything that isn't already proven to be a hit. If you doubt what I'm saying, just try and name three tunes off the "Bridges To Babylon" disc. See my point? Even the group labeled, " The World's Greatest Rock And Roll Band" isn't a shoe-in for automatic radio play. On the other hand, Spruce Stringbean and the Pee Street Band are also coming out with a new album and I'm sure that my ears will be assaulted with that drech non-stop. I have to ask, who decides what music gets played on the radio? Yeah...I know, The Music Director. The stooge at some mass market conglomerate, who's given the power of his/her superiors and a laundry list of advertisers that're paying their salary dictate the choices of what I get to hear.
I've mentioned before that I used to be employed at a radio station and I don't think I'm bragging, by stating that I considered myself to be reasonably competent at what I did. Yet I was kicked to the curb for something not related to any on-air activity and I've been a nomad ever since. I listen to a great deal of disc jockeys, most of whom are not conversant in proper English, which I believe should be mandatory in a country where English is the national language. That aside, I'm REALLY pissed that the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame nominees have been selected and Joan Jett was passed aside, but The Beastie Boys are being inducted. I was working at the one radio station I had any experience at, when the "License To Ill" album came out. My station was playing the song " Fight For The Right To Party". It was brash and abrasive and I thought that was something I'd get some mileage out of, so I invessted my hard earned cash on the LP. When I took it home and put it on my turntable, I was mortified that I'd wasted good money on that horrible piece of shit. There wasn't one good tune on it. I now even hate the song that inspired me to buy that piece of crapola. I cringe when I hear the name of the band, let alone any of their godawful songs. I've despised everything to date that I've heard by them and yet this lame-ass White-Boy Rap takes precedent over a real rocker, Joan ( Jett) Larkin? Who makes these decisions? I'm not a regular reader of Rolling Stone, and I think that Jan Wenner is one of the major dipshits who calls the shots, and this is a fine example of why I'm reluctant to put any faith in what's written in that rag. I have to wonder what defines Rock And Roll, and what separates it from other Popular Music? Hell, they mights as well start nominating every schmoe who had a top ten hit to the institution, they don't seem to be too discriminatory about who gets in and who doesn't, so don't be surprised if Weird Al Yankovic, Barry Manilow, and Slim Whitman also get their names on the roster. Nobody makes a stink over the selections, so who am I to make those decisions? I seem to be wrong about everything else on this planet of our.

Talk Talk

I chose this title from the fathers of Garage Rock, "The Music Machine". They were a 1960's California band that came to presence in the psychedellic era. Producer, Mike Chapman was a member, but it was their leader, Sean Bonniwell who recently died, that made me choose this song s a title for this rant.
I work with a guy who's a good hearted individual, but he spends the bulk of the day yakking, blabbing, running off at the mouth, flapping his gums, pissing in people's ears...whatever you want to call it. He's got something to say about everything, regardless of whether or not he knows what he's talking about. The fact that he makes so many blind statements, people don't take him seriously. He's considered a gasbag, full of hot air. At first I found it fairly normal, because all people tend to exaggerate at one time or another, but he does it all the time. He's not particularly articulate and apparently not well educated ( he wouldn't be working where I work if he was). I consider him to be a pseudo-intellectual. He'll run off statements and I think that he honestly believes the bulk of what he says, because he gains nothing by lying, but most of what he says is crap! His falsisms are the topic of discussion when he's not around and he's got some doozies! I'm a huge fan of the Discovery Channel show, "Mythbusters" and much of what he's said has been proven to be erroneous on that show. Simple logic disproves the rest of his statements ninety percent of the time. He is a big speaker, but a little listener. If he learned to moderate his talk, he'd see that people don't take him seriously. Working with him alot, I've held my tongue too many times, now I'm at the point where I feel like telling him to shut up. But I don't want to hurt his feelings, I still have to work with the guy. He's served his country in Viet Nam, and one day made the statement, that the M16 assault rifle introduced over there, weighed eight ounces. I rolled my eyes and told him that's less than one pound. He stuck to his guns ( pun intended) and said, " I ran through the jungles of Viet Nam with one, don't tell me!" I'm a big watcher of the History Channel, Discovery Channel and Military Channel. All of which have run specials about firearms, a subject I know virtually nothing about first hand. None has made mention that the M16 weighed less than one pound. In fact,they weight about eight pounds. When another veteran pointed that out, he got very defensive and fumphered about mispeaking. He tries to sound authoritative about everything he speaks of, and it is clear to anyone with an iota of knowledge, that he's wrong more than he's right. How do I gingerly go about telling him that he's digging himself into a hole the size of the Grand Canyon with his big talk? I consider myself to be reasonably intelligent, I know a little about a lot of things, but not alot about any one thing, so I'm no expert. When my other co-workers ask how I manage to work with him, I simply tell them, " I'm a true believer in the MP3 player. If you can't tune him out, put up the music VERY loud!