Heartbreaker

It's St. Valentine's Day 2011. With that in mind, I chose a song title that several bands use for different songs. Led Zeppelin, Free, Pat Benatar and Grand Funk Railroad all have tunes with that title yet they are different songs. But those aren't what I'm whining about today. Nope, this is the day of love...or so the legend says. But a new study claims that there are many men AND women who don't like Valentine's Day. In all likelihood, they're single and can't get dates, the hype that goes along with the day bring them down even more, because they don't have anyone to send chocolates, cards, jewelry, flowers or any of the other items linked to romance to. I am not one of them. Yes, I am hopelessly single and have no hot prospects on the horizon, but I treat the day for what it is, just another day. I could have titled this after Joe Jackson's "Biology", or The Michael Stanley Band's "Chemistry", because hormones play a huge role in our mating/dating choices, but the universal symbol of St. Valentine's Day is the heart. Of course the heart is simplified to a symetrical red icon, when in reality, it's a kind of gross mass of bloody vessels and it's multicolored and hardly the thing to decorate a card professing one's love for another.
In real life, the emotions are experienced in the brain and the heart is simply a muscle that circulates blood through the body, a glorified sump pump if you will. But it doesn't sound right to say, "that girl broke my brain". I'm sure that the Zeppelin tune "Brainbreaker" wouldn't have the punch that "Heartbreaker" has. To tell a loved one that you care for them with all your brain, just doesn't do it. But neither does any other vital body organ either. Hallmark would be out of buisness if they had card that expounded on you love a person with all your liver, kidneys or intestines. So why are we so moved by the heart? Sure we couldn't live without it, but we also can't live without oxygen, nutrition, water, and shelter, and yet those things aren't associated with romance. Who is the genius that started the whole myth that the heart is where the emotion of love is centered? I don't think Leonardo Da Vinci can get the credit for that, or maybe I should say blame. It's all wrong, and as much as I know it, out of habit I still use those trite cliches as much as any other doofus. What's going though our heads when we speak of "matters of the heart"? Why is this bad habit so hard to break?
Our social system is geared towards us pairing off, in hopes of propogating the species. There aren't a whole lot of single seater automobiles on the market for losers like myself who can't connect. Ever go on vacation by yourself, and try to get a single occupancy room? Forget about it, all prices are based on two in a room, so a single person is punished for being socially awkward or undesirable by being charged more to sleep alone. Where's the justice in that? I tthink the major hotel chains should have a discount room for people who are fighting the overpopulation of our planet. You'd think these corporate titans would have a little heart, or at least some brain.

Tonight

I'm obviously showing my age. All the song titles I've used to kick-start my rantings are from the sixties, seventies and eightites. Occasionally I'll come up with a nineties or double zero song, but those are rare. I can put the blame in a lot of places, first of all, with CDs and MP3 style music, the packaging is less prone for study than an album cover. Even a cassette box isn't something you can pore over while cruising in the car...at least it's hard to do safely, but tell THAT to the doofi ( the plural of doofus) who text message ad-nauseum while behind the wheel. Secondly, I spend less money and time proing over my music choices than I did when I was a younger man, something I'm not proud to admit. And probably most of all, I'm just eveloving into an old fart, and the music of the younger generation is less appealing to me than the stuff I grew up with, although one never stops gorwing up, I can name the few bands I'm into who are currently on the charts on one hand. Thank heacvens for The Foo Fighters and Green Day, because without them, my interest in the Grammies is in the negative column.

Cheap Trick penned a song simply titled, " Tonight" it's a real, raucous rocker that never gets played on any of the oldies stations, classic rock stations or pop music stations. Tonmight, February 13th 2011 is the Grammy awards ceremony. Grammies are traditionally long, drawn out tedious exercises in inanity. The music I like seldom gets nominated, let alone chosen for this award, so I see no point in wasting two or three hours of my life watching tardos like Eminem accept awards for music that means nothing to me, it's pointless. The Grammies aren't about what's good, it's about what sells. That's it, plain and simple. When I was younger there were lots of ablums that I bolught that I look at now and wonder, " What was I thinking when I spent $12.99 of my hard earned cash on this piece of crap?". I'm reasonably sure that when people go through the annals of history and look at previous winners of this award, will think " Why did that poseur deserve an award?" Hindsight is 20/20. And it's perfectly clear to me, that the judges for this contest are looking through their asses. If you don't believe me, check the results Tomorrow.

Madison Avenue Man

This is a title I pickpocketed from Greg Kihn., best known for "The Breakup Song" and "Jeopardy". His earlier works had more of a punk rock tone to them, if this sparks your interest, check out a tune called, "Museum". But I'm not here to expound on my admiration for Mr. Kihns' songwrtiting abilities, no I've got a beef with...the hype over the Superbowl ads...

The local newspaper, published a top five rating of the ads that ran during the most watched TV event of any sports season. The ad they rated as #1, was a horrid piece of schlock, that was way too long, took too long to make a point and went nowhere after it made it's message known. Those flaws aside, it featured Eminem, a rapper whose work I can't stand, so it was a loser on all fronts for me. Yet on Monday morning I was reading quotes where people claimed it brought tears to their eyes. What a bunch of sappy wimps! The hype of the ads far surpasses the hype of the ultimate football face off, and every year the ads become more and more disappointing. At one time, New Yorks' Madison Avenue was the hotbed of the advertising universe. With computer technology, any doofus can produce and shoot a decent quality ad. This year there were some submissions to Pepsi Cola, I believe that weren't far removed from the CGI ads of mega companies. Volkswagen had two ads that i found enjoyable, but only one got any acclaim. The old adage, " Half a loaf is bertter than none" comes into play in that case. Budweiser always has entertaining ads, and this year was no exception. E-trade also has some that are amusing. Chevy Trucks had a winner this year, and Audi had one near the very end that made me laugh, but most of the other car ads were lame-o. There was an animated ad that also featured Eminem, that I also hated, so I'm two for two on the Eminem front. The Best Buy ad featuring Ozzie Osbourne was a bit of a letdown, it didn't suck the big one, but it wasn't hilarious either. What has happened to the cretive minds who used to come up with all those memorable ads from my childhood? Have they been pout into suspended animation, to save for a brighter time? Why am I constantly bombarded with shitty Geico ads? Humor is a perfect selling point, so why are there so many drab, dull and lifeless ads decorating our televsion sets? Is it a "lowest common denominator" type of theory, that the humor has to be at a third grade level to appeal to the average American? I had tried to get a job in advertising after I emerged from college, and discovered that I didn't have the backbone for it. I knind of wish that i hadn't given up so easily, because what i see on the tube these days m,akes me feel like I couldn't do any worse than the hacks who are polluting our airwaves in this time frame!